Treadmill of Emotions

Meet sweet Wrenley

 Going into 2024 was something I looked forward too. I had a Grandbaby coming any day and I was at the beginning of a new marathon training cycle. I was looking forward to pushing myself again and getting back into a few more serious races. 

 As we hit the middle of January I found myself really struggling despite all the good in my life. My Grandbaby came with no complications. I got the running stroller I asked for during Christmas to prepare for what the near future entails. I was hitting my times during my runs and even feeling strong, yet somehow I am just utterly exhausted. I felt weak, lonely and off. I'm wondering if this is just a slump or maybe the beginning of changes in my life as I'm not getting any younger. 

 This last week, extreme weather hit the Pacific Northwest and I was a slave to the treadmill for a week. My first race of the year was canceled as the roads were impossible to race on. I really struggled at the idea of doing my runs on the treadmill. I can't watch a movie or I feel unbalanced. A podcast doesn't free my mind like a road run. Music helps a little. I was extremely thankful for electricity and a safe place indoors to run, it just wasn't hitting the spot for me.

 I was able to hit the road this morning and thought a great deal about my issues with the treadmill. I wonder if it all steams from 15 years ago as a new runner. I didn't have much running knowledge, no running friends and not much for running gear. I had a treadmill in my garage, had an urge to run but certainly didn't want anyone to see me running. I spent a lot of time growing as a new runner in the safety of my garage before meeting a local gal training for her first marathon! She reached out to me, asking to be her training buddy. This took me out into the open road and started changing everything for me. After learning the beauty of the elements outside, and that it's not a big deal if people see me running, the treadmill became a thing of the past. 

 I was an insecure, young mother who used the treadmill as a beginning of something that empowered my life greatly. A change so great, I honestly can say, I would be a different person today, 15 years later if it wasn't for that treadmill in my garage. 

 As much as the treadmill was a positive in my life, I wonder if deep down, its just a hamster wheel of insecurities my young self once had. 

 Maybe? Maybe not? Nonetheless, these were my thoughts this morning as I hit the road running at 4:45am!