Boston Marathon, the race I worked hard simply to quality. The race that I at one point, thought would never happen. The race I've made it to, but then my time wasn't "good enough" (2018). The race I finally lived out three weeks ago. (April 17, 2023).
Post marathon depression is something I've dealt with before. It's a real thing that I've tried to shake off. The truth is, it can't just be shaken off.
Some post-race depression feelings can include, feeling a little lost. Experiencing a lack of motivation to run or do much of anything. The yearning for something to look forward to. The feeling to set a new goal. Feeling down, anti-social, sad, or disappointed—even if you hit your goal.
Why do runners often feel like crying after running? A runner's cry can be just as good as a runner's high. It gets confusing and frustrating, yet this is how it can go. Our brains are essentially letting go when we cry after racing. All the months of hard work is suddenly over.
Athough, signing up for another race can help, it doesn't make the depression go away. Personally, I've taken time to look at other areas of my life. I have a child graduating in June. It's Spring and my house and yard could use some elbow grease. The department I work for is growing. It's a good time to give them some extra help. These all "help" keep my mind preoccupied as well.
The truth is, although this all helps, but it doesn't make the depression go away. Today was the first day my body felt really good again as I went out to run. I can tell I'm recovered. I have even signed up for some races. Not anything that'll fix my blues, but everything helps in it's own little way.
I am also spending time reminding myself that running a race or even running in general, doesn't define me as a person. My Bella (dog) doesn't even care that I ran Boston, she just wants me to come home and love one her every day. I've had unbelievable support from my friends, family and coworkers leading up to Boston. In the bigger picture, they would love me even if I didn't go to Boston. I still am overwhelmed when I think of the support that's been given.
As I move forward I understand my body is used to movement and lots of it. I have to continue to move. At this point in my life, I still will run regardless of if I have a race on the calendar or not. I will continue to move forward. I get up and run nearly every day giving myself a break when needed. I give thanks for those asking to join me for a run, a new race, and even a cup of coffee.
Although this has been my darkest post marathon depression I've experienced, I know it's not a weakness to live here for a while. It is a sign of working hard, grinding away in the early morning air and putting
my feet forward, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot.
I will not live here for long, I have people who are lifting me up and I am setting new goals. I am only human and what I'm feeling is normal.
If the post-marathon blues hits you, know you’re not going crazy. You are not alone. Please realize it's okay to talk about. For you are not alone.
